Revise the essay
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The first file is the guidelines for essay. The second file my essay.
I pick the first topic ‘TV show’. Professor give me the comment and I want you to revise the essay and make it better.
The following is the comments.
Hello,
I read your draft over, and it’s a start, but there are some things to work on:
1. As is consistent with a draft, the style, grammar, etc. need polishing.
2. Some of your ideas are not particularly connected to American culture, values, politics, etc. And even when they are, I’m not 100% clear what you mean. For example, what does it mean that American family structure has changed? I think each of your ideas needs to be clearer.
3. Your evidence could be explained better.
4. You need a conclusion.
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